--- title: Does Your School or Program Really Value Relationships? Six Questions to Ask | Search Institute description: "By: Kent Pekel, Ed.D. As I visit schools, youth programs, and community coalitions across the country to discuss Search Institute’s new research on developmental relationships, I have not met a single person who thinks relationships are unimportant. The people I talk with are invariably interested and sometimes downright excited to learn that our studies are [...]" --- Theme + Migration = $1489 (Pay for the Theme Only). [Learn More.](https://www.lpd-themes.com/migration) [![hlogo](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/hs-fs/hubfs/hlogo.webp?width=187&height=90&name=hlogo.webp "hlogo")](https://searchinstitute.org) - [BLOG](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/) - [DONATE](https://searchinstitute.org/donate) - [CONTACT](https://searchinstitute.org/contact) - [RESEARCH](https://searchinstitute.org/research) - [SOLUTIONS](https://searchinstitute.org/solutions) - [INSIGHTS](https://searchinstitute.org/insights) - [FUNDERS & PARTNERS](https://searchinstitute.org/funders-partners) - [ABOUT](https://searchinstitute.org/about) [RESOURCE HUB](https://searchinstitute.org/resources-hub) [Why Relationships Matter and How to Get Started](https://searchinstitute.org/relationships-matter-get-started) Understand the foundations of developmental relationships and the power you have to strengthen those relationships for all young people to learn and grow. [Resources Tailored to Your Role](https://searchinstitute.org/resources-hub/search?query=&page=1&configure%5BenablePersonalization%5D=true&configure%5BuserToken%5D=anonymous-2aec4746-2f17-46a7-871b-a10e30f1f2f7&configure%5BclickAnalytics%5D=true&hierarchicalMenu%5Btaxonomy.lvl0%5D=Resource%20Audience) Tools to support everyone who works with young people — educators, youth program workers, schools and youth program leaders, and community members [Resources Related to the Setting Where Relationships Take Place](https://searchinstitute.org/resources-hub/search?query=&page=1&configure%5BenablePersonalization%5D=true&configure%5BuserToken%5D=anonymous-2aec4746-2f17-46a7-871b-a10e30f1f2f7&configure%5BclickAnalytics%5D=true&hierarchicalMenu%5Btaxonomy.lvl0%5D=Setting) Young people thrive when they experience a broader web of relationships, build strong relationships in a class or program, at home, and across your organization. [Resources on Key Topics](https://searchinstitute.org/resources-hub/search?query=&page=1&configure%5BenablePersonalization%5D=true&configure%5BuserToken%5D=anonymous-2aec4746-2f17-46a7-871b-a10e30f1f2f7&configure%5BclickAnalytics%5D=true&hierarchicalMenu%5Btaxonomy.lvl0%5D=Topics) Relationships are key across several disciplines including family systems, social and emotional development, social capital, and community development. [Resources in Your Favorite Format](https://searchinstitute.org/resources-hub/search?resourceTypes=Activity,Book,Guide,Journal%20Article,Measure%20/%20Assessment%20/%20Evaluation,Relational%20Practice,Report%20/%20Brief,Tool%20/%20Playbook,Video) Explore tools, frameworks, activities, guides, measures, and other research-based resources to build strong relationships with all young people. [![hlogo](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/hs-fs/hubfs/hlogo.webp?width=187&height=90&name=hlogo.webp "hlogo")](https://searchinstitute.org) [![hlogo](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/hs-fs/hubfs/hlogo.webp?width=187&height=90&name=hlogo.webp "hlogo")](https://searchinstitute.org) - BLOG - SHOP - DONATE - CONTACT - [RESEARCH](https://searchinstitute.org/research) - [SOLUTIONS](https://searchinstitute.org/solutions) - [INSIGHTS](https://searchinstitute.org/insights) - [FUNDERS & PARTNERS](https://searchinstitute.org/funders-partners) - [ABOUT](https://searchinstitute.org/about) [![hlogo](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/hs-fs/hubfs/hlogo.webp?width=187&height=90&name=hlogo.webp "hlogo")](https://searchinstitute.org) - [RESEARCH](https://searchinstitute.org/research) - [SOLUTIONS](https://searchinstitute.org/solutions) - [INSIGHTS](https://searchinstitute.org/insights) - [FUNDERS & PARTNERS](https://searchinstitute.org/funders-partners) - [ABOUT](https://searchinstitute.org/about) - [RESOURCE HUB](https://searchinstitute.org/resources-hub) # Blog May 19, 2015 2 Minutes Read By : [Kent Pekel](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/author/kent-pekel) Topics Developmental Relationships Research Developmental Assets Social Emotional Learning (SEL) Youth Programs Provide Support Family Engagement Diversity Equity and Inclusion (DEI) SI Spotlight Social Capital Share Power Solutions Youth Thriving Education / School Expand Possibilities Student Voice Challenge Growth Summer Scholars Thriving Youth Voice Express Care Sparks Data Insights Faith Field Partner Spotlight LGBTQ+ Workshops Relationship Ready Schools Conversation Starters Sports Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) # Does Your School or Program Really Value Relationships? Six Questions to Ask [![Share on twitter](https://7528302.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hub/7528302/hubfs/raw_assets/public/mV0_d-web-default-modules_hubspot/img/x-twitter-color.png?width=24&name=x-twitter-color.png)](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Fblog.searchinstitute.org%2Fschool-program-really-value-relationships-six-questions-ask%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&url=https%3A%2F%2Fblog.searchinstitute.org%2Fschool-program-really-value-relationships-six-questions-ask%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&source=tweetbutton&text=) [![Share on linkedin](https://7528302.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hub/7528302/hubfs/raw_assets/public/mV0_d-web-default-modules_hubspot/img/linkedin-color.png?width=24&name=linkedin-color.png)](http://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&url=https%3A%2F%2Fblog.searchinstitute.org%2Fschool-program-really-value-relationships-six-questions-ask%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dlinkedin) [![Share on facebook](https://7528309.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hub/7528309/hubfs/raw_assets/public/mV0_d-web-default-modules_hubspot/img/facebook-color.png?width=24&name=facebook-color.png)](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fblog.searchinstitute.org%2Fschool-program-really-value-relationships-six-questions-ask%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dfacebook) # Does Your School or Program Really Value Relationships? Six Questions to Ask By [Kent Pekel](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/author/kent-pekel) May 18 2015 2 Minutes Read *By: [Kent Pekel, Ed.D.](https://www.search-institute.org/about-us/staff/)* As I visit schools, youth programs, and community coalitions across the country to discuss [Search Institute’s new research on developmental relationships](https://www.search-institute.org/developmental-relationships/), I have not met a single person who thinks relationships are unimportant. The people I talk with are invariably interested and sometimes downright excited to learn that our studies are finding that when young people experience developmental relationships in their lives, they are much more likely to develop key character skills such as the capacity to achieve goals and to get along well with others. But while those conversations about our new work are encouraging, they also suggest that there is a wide gap between the importance that individuals and organizations place on relationships with young people. Individuals almost universally say they deeply value relationships, but the organizations they work for often don’t treat relationships as a top priority. **‘But Relationships Are What We Do’** My guess is that many of you reading this believe that my observation doesn’t apply to your organization. You may be thinking, *Relationships are what we do, and we talk about that all the time.* So I should clarify. I do not mean to suggest that the leaders of schools and youth programs don’t want to connect young people with caring adults. Rather, I think that those leaders often assume that great relationships will be the inevitable result of the many other good things their organizations do for young people. I understand that perspective because, in retrospect, it is how I saw relationships when I worked as an administrator in both K-12 and higher education systems. I knew that relationships were critical, but I believed that they would happen naturally if we got the curriculum, budget, staffing, and other factors right. **Questions with Big Implications** I learned over time, however, that doing those things well does not necessarily lead to great relationships. For that to happen, we must be as intentional about building relationships as we are about the other things we do to achieve our missions. With that idea in mind, here are six questions to help you think about your school or program’s approach to relationships: 1. **Time:** Are there regular periods of time in young people’s schedules that are explicitly dedicated to building relationships with staff? If so, how effectively do all staff use this time? 2. **People:** Is the capacity to build positive relationships with young people a factor in who you hire and how you evaluate job performance? 3. **Budget:** Have you ever made a decision to allocate resources to building relationships rather than to another priority? 4. **Training:** Have you ever had a meeting or training session where the primary subject on the agenda was the quality of relationships that your staff builds with young people? 5. **Feedback:** Do you have an organized way to collect survey data or other types of information on how young people experience relationships in your school or program? 6. **Definition:** Has your organization defined what it means to be in a relationship with a young person in clear and actionable ways? For example, Search Institute’s new [Developmental Relationships Framework](https://www.search-institute.org/wp-content/uploads/0201/09/DevRel_Framework-1-Pager-04-26-2017.pdf) identifies five essential actions that make a relationship truly developmental. They are: expressing care, challenging growth, providing support, sharing power, and expanding possibilities. Despite the gap I’ve observed between how individuals and organizations value relationships, over the course of my career I have also visited and worked with many schools and youth programs that could answer all six of the questions listed above with a resounding yes. Search Institute is now working to identify and learn from those types of schools and programs across the United States and around the world. If your organization places a high priority on strengthening relationships with young people, we would love to hear about that in the comments below—or you can connect with me directly at [kpekel@search-institute.org](mailto:kpekel@search-institute.org?subject=Relationships%20Blog%20Response). #### Kent Pekel Author ## Recommended For You [Share Power](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/tag/share-power) [Developmental Assets](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/tag/developmental-assets) [Conversation Starters](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/tag/conversation-starters) [Challenge Growth](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/tag/challenge-growth) [Family Engagement](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/tag/family-engagement) [Developmental Relationships](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/tag/developmental-relationships) [Youth Programs](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/tag/youth-programs) [Expand Possibilities](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/tag/expand-possibilities) 3 Min Read ### [6 Ways to Step Up with Youth as They “March for Our Lives”](https://blog.searchinstitute.org/march-for-our-lives) [Eugene C. 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